Bombs On Monte Carlo
When the wind blows over the sea
it carries my song to my homeland.
Carries it to you, asks you for me,
how you are in our homeland.
Once you told me you love me so much.
But who knows, whether you still know it.
When the wind blows I dream...
Girl I dream you were faithful.
When the wind blows over the sea
it carries my song to my homeland.
(American singer)
(Russian singer)
(Italian singer)
When the wind blows I dream...
Girl I dream you were faithful.
Girl I dream you were faithful!
Lieutenant, Sir!
A service telegram for the commander!
Ah, now it's gone... Put it down.
Craddie...
Craaaddieee!
Yawn...
A service telegram, Craddie.
Yah...
Well give me... where is it?
There, behind...
...
Yawn...
- Eh, Peter... - Hm?
...of course you do know, what that telegram said?
Yes, of course. Due to the finanicial crisis...
- of the kingdom of Pontenero, - the government of Her Majesty the Queen
professes itself once again unable
to remit the payment of wages on schedule.
Well then... Cheers.
Hey...
Boy oh boy oh boy oh boy oh boy Peter...
Man alive, what idiots we both were.
Heh... you bet!
Hey, when you think about
all the things they promised us when we were stupid enough
to let ourselves get hired by that glorious state.
Yes yes yes...
Step right up, revered Messrs officers und sailors...
...come one, come all, revered Messrs Germans, Englishmen...
...Russians, Italians, French.
Step right up, whoever's got soldier's blood in his veins
and wants to see something,
will find under the colors of Her Majesty the Queen of Pontenero
all that his heart desires.
Tcha... all that his heart...
Well, and what has become of that whole humbug, huh? - Sshhhh!
And if you complain?
Those boneheads up there in the government of Pontenero,
when you explain to them, that you want to have something to do eventually,
what do you get as an answer? - Quiet!
"Quiet!"... See?
Quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet... Yes...
Hmh... what an intrusive scrap.
Oh...
Hey!
Craddie!
- Craddie!! - Shut up, man...
Craddie... hehe, hello Craddie!
What's up, do you think we're in the woods, you monkey?
What do you mean by "monkey"? Look at this, man - here... well?
- Hehehe... - "Strictly confidential"... - Yesyes...
Classified: Strictly confidential...
Her Majesty's cruiser Persemon...
is to be cleared for immediate departure...
Directive und instructions for the mission
will be issued later today directly by the queen...? - Heh... Yesyesyesyes...
Navy Department...? - Yesyesyesyes!
Long live our queen, Peter!
Rattatataaaaaaaa!
Oh... Peter!?
Here we go, boyo! Is your name Peter or what?
Here we go! Haha!
Here we go, hey!...
Hooray!! Come on, shorty, come on, shorty, hit me!
Wanna beat your daddy, eh?
Stop, stop?
What's up with you now?
What's going on here?
Where do you think you are?
Get up!
This is a battleship!
And not a funfair!
- Understood? - Aye-aye, sir!!
Alright boys...
We have a big mission ahead!
Clear ship for sailing!
Man your stations! - Hooray!
- Lieutenant Schmidt? - Captain? - Get the Chief Engineer.
Pawlitscheck!
Chief Engineer Pawlitscheck!
Do you know, what I use for beef goulash today, gentlemen?
Well, well? The billy goat Franzl.
Well no speechifying here!
- How about the coals? - Ah, looks bad.
Yes, I already thought as much. That's just because you're cooking goulash all day long.
This has to stop, my dear fellow.
Scrape every single mote of coal!
- Full steam in all boilers! - Today of all days, when we do the laundry?
Mr. Chief Engineer!!
Aye-aye...
What a wimpy sea signal, that guy...
Ahoy! The world is wonderful and will always spin around,
so let's go on a caper, aye-aye, Captain.
Aye-aye, Captain!
Our strength will be of use! Blood ain't no raspberry juice!
It will all work out all right, aye-aye, Captain!
Aye-aye, Captain!
And if you have a bride, just write her: Girl, Goodbye!
I'm off then, over to Lake Titicaca.
This is the love of the sailors!
In the long run my dear love my heart can be no anchoring place.
You find on all coasts flowering roses
and for every one of them a thousand others for replacement.
It's so sweet to sleep in the harbour,
but soon we have to say goodbye!
This is the love of the sailors,
from the lowest and the meanest man up to the captain.
At night at ten!
- Give me! - No no - first guess, whereto!
Well Peter, I assume it's the...
English naval maneuvers before Malta...
...and I bet on smuggler hunt in the Levant... huh?
Now who's right?
Boy, that's a ...
- That's a darned cheek, this. - What does it say?
Her Majesty the Queen will arrive in Livorno tomorrow...
she commands, that...
- Well, I'll be ... - What?
She commands. Miss commands.
Did you ever! - Nah. - Well.
She commands us to pick her up there
and chauffeur her on a pleasure trip through the Mediterranean. Well.
Now there you're mistaken, Miss.
Wait a minute, there's some more...
Here... This also settles the issue regarding
the unseemly complaints of the Messrs officers
concerning a lacking sphere of influence...
Yola The First... - That's a very cheeky person.
- Well, as long as she's pretty, Craddie... - Now come on, take a look at her! - What?
How does it look like! A piece of mishap...
and the portrait's doubtlessly flattering!
Well... superiors suck anyway. - True!
And therefore I spare myself the acquaintance!
Well I certainly will not chauffeur the dame!
Got that?
Why's he yelling at me?
Bridge - attention!
- Boat ready for sea! - Veer backwards!
Dismissed!
Chief Engineer Pawlitscheck - we're not sailing!
But Craddie - don't be silly!
My little Peter - don't worry, you can confide in me, eh...
In my life I already did a lot of things, my son...
from trick-shot artist with Barnum & Bailey, at the circus... - Yes... yesyesyes...
to cowboy in Texas... - Yes, yes...
and I was whale hunter, up among the... - ...up among the Eskimo.
Well if you already know, smart aleck, I don't have to tell you.
And now I should all of a sudden
become a water chauffeur for a dame? No frigging way!
- But excuse me... - Not in my back yard!!
Now you're yelling at me again, eh!
But Craddie, come on, listen, that trip wouldn't be all that bad...
- ...come take a look at this. - What a laugh!
Craddie, now stay on for a moment, eh...
Look... Balearics... hey, Ligurian Sea...
the Riviera... eh? Riviera, hey...
and when the night is clear we can see the lights of Monte Carlo ... Craddie.
And then we'll dream of the casino...
Hey... well?
... of luck at cards... well?
- Well? - We'll dream of cute little girls...
Dream?
Two scoundrels as you and I - dream?
Captain, Sir - I obediently dare to ask:
Are we going to sail - or are we not?
Pawlitscheck...
Have we got enough coals for Monte Carlo?
- Livorno! - ...for Monte Carlo?
Yes, for Monte Carlo...!
And if I had to burn my last Virginia!
Go ahead - all Virginias into the boilers! Forward, march!
Ahoy! The world is wonderful and will always spin around,
so let's go on a caper, aye-aye, Captain.
Aye-aye, Captain!
Our strength will be of use! Blood ain't no raspberry juice!
It'll all work out all right, aye-aye, Captain!
Aye-aye, Captain!
And if you have a bride, just write her: Girl, Goodbye!
I'm off then, over to Lake Titicaca.
This is the love of the sailors!
In the long run my dear love my heart can be no anchoring place.
You find on all coasts flowering roses
and for every one of them a thousand others for replacement.
It's so sweet to sleep in the harbour,
but soon we have to say goodbye!
This is the love of the sailors,
from the lowest and the meanest man up to the captain.
It's so sweet to sleep in the harbour,
but soon we have to say goodbye!
This is the love of the sailors,
from the lowest and the meanest man up to the captain.
Isabell...
- Isabell! - Your Majesty?
Pull down the curtain.
the sun is bothering me.
Good...
Well.
Ah, no...
that's too dark.
- Roll the curtain up again. - Good... let's roll the curtain up again.
Well...
- Isabell... - Hmm...
- Ah, Isabell... - Hmh?
To feel different air at last...
a little bit of freedom...
Finally people that don't cringe before me.
Yesyes, my dear, you're allowed to choose. (?)
Reading is so boring.
Why do they write so boring novels.
Is yours more fun?
Majesty - I only read strictly scientific books...
Let me see!
How To Seduce Men
A Compendium for Cocottes and Those Wanting to Become One.
But this is no book for a respectable woman - give it to me.
You're right - a respectable woman throws a book like that out of the window!
Your Majesty is wanted on the train telephone.
Hello hello? This is Adriatic Express 26...
Yes... just one more moment please.
- Who's on the telephone? - The Prime Minister of Pontenero.
(Pontenerian debate)
Ah, Majesty!
What's the matter, Excellency?
Majesty has to abandon her journey immediately.
This scoundrel Craddock sent a telegram, Majesty.
Just a moment, I just had the telegramm...
(Pontenerian cursing)
Jesus, Majesty... I know myself... listen:
Will no longer act the fool for Your Majesty - Stop.
Been bored long enough - Stop.
Going to Monte Carlo to have some fun.
What an impertinence.
Conductor? Where can I get a connection to Monte Carlo?
No, to Livorno!
Nein - I very distinctly said:
to Monte Carlo!
I know a land where the sun feels at home,
the sea is glittering away out into the distance
and at night, as guardian of peace,
the sea of stars of the south keeps silently watch.
There lies the town lined with pines and palms,
if you don't know it yet you have been dreaming of it!
And if fortune came and said, "Now make a wish!"
then I'd wish only this:
One night in Monte Carlo
I want to promenade under palm trees with you...
- Majesty? - Huh?
Can you already make him out?
- Who? - Well, him - the monster!
No... for now only my ship.
Oh, I can see him very clearly before me -
his face scarred of vice, and raven-black curly hair...
Back anchor cockbill!
Helm midships!
Back anchor a-cockbill!
Lies midship!
Engines flank speed back!
Let go anchor!
Hehe...
and I'm sure he's tattooed all over with naughty pictures!
Listen, boys: Here in Monte Carlo you'll have to keep four things in mind:
First: Don't get drunk!
Secondly: Don't gamble -
Third: Leave the little girls alone.
And fourthly:
Boys - have fun!
- Understood? - Aye-aye, Captain!
Aye-aye, Captain!
And if you have a bride, just write her: Girl, Goodbye!
I'm off then, over to Lake Titicaca.
- Consul? - Majesty? - He's coming.
Prepare everything for his arrest.
Very well, here we are... come!
- What's the matter with you? - I've got the jitters.
What the... come along!
- What will... how will this end? - Ah, I've got heart palpitations!
I even more so, Consul - just feel it!
Oh... oh!
What kind of person is this - that you're all scared to death of him?
If nobody shows up after the sixth bulb I'll turn seriously nasty.
Majesty... do I have to be present at this calamity?
You go inside and and let yourself give report.
When I ring the bell, you will withdraw...
you coward! And I will arrest him.
Coward?!
Hello!
Well there you are, my dear Consul. - Captain?
Say, what's this pigsty here in this ape house s'posed to mean?
- Now, he only means... - What??
Ape house!
Just between you and me, Captain...
why actually did you, against the royal order,
sail to Monte Carlo?
Just between you and me, Consul...
Because at long last I once again want a real women...
No, don't, Majesty... Let him finish!
Let me finish!
Because at long last I once again want a real women... to have a nice...
evening meal with.
But dearest Captain!
In our beloved home country there are such marvelous women!
Now - that's of course a matter of taste...
I for one do not love it when women smell of mutton fat.
Mutton fat...! That's unbelievable!
And now my dear friend, just do me the sole favour
and fork out the 100,000 francs as quickly as possible.
What?
I always hear "100,000 francs"! - Huh?
You heard that absolutely perfectly right!
Yesyesyes, sweetie pie! I already telegraphed you!
We're without coals and without payment for months.
The ship's cash box is broke!
Gentlemen! But I impossibly can... in such a haste...
But goldboy, goldboy, where are you swimming to!
Heh... the ladies of Monte Carlo do not wait long!
Soon it'll be five, now we soon have to look out for something convenient!
Of course - at five o'clock the ladies are all gathered at the Café de Paris.
At six they will all be out of stock.
Men...!
But gentlemen...
I do not have any directives from Her Majesty the Queen!
My dear Consul - don't bother me with that dumb Dora.
- Now, now, he only means... - I mean it!!
If the queen thinks that I dance to her piping
then I will eventually sail to her beloved home country
and shoot her little throne into thousand shreds... got me?
Wake up, uncle... don't you hear - it's ringing! Move on, go, go!
Fork out the 100,000 francs!
Majesty....
Give him the money.
But, Majesty!
You shall give him the money, Consul.
Majesty, I only have 118 francs!
Now we'll get our dough, now we'll get our dough,
now we'll get our dough, yes, now we'll get our dough!
Now what'll we do with the dough, what'll we do with the dough?
I'll buy me the one hundred prettiest girls in the world.
- I'm gonna have a blonde one... - and I will have a black one...
- I wanna have a slim one... - well I wouldn't mind a fat one.
And the queen, the ole quee-ny,
in the meantime found another fascinating occupation:
She sits at the station of Livorno
and she's waiting till the cows come home!
Here. Every jeweller will pay you 100,000 francs for it.
- Oh yes... - As Majesty commands.
Well, field marshal - on listening post again?
- Let's go, Peter, come! - Hey wait, man, our 100,000!
Hello, heyhey, come here, stop, wait, stop! Here!
Ah, Captain, once again back in town!
Well well, Jäger, how are things? Long time no see, eh?
Well, let's not linger over the preface... how are the sweet little girls at your place this year, eh?
Oh, great vintage, Captain.
But why don't you inspect the inventory yourself?
But of course, ha! That's why we're here!
Craddock!
The Craddock March!
How to Seduce Men
Part II On Fighting with a Rival Energy as Weapon
Oh pardon!
Oops-a-daisy! Daddy can't see it! Ha!
Oh, what's the matter, huh?
What is it? What do you want?
You want to dance with me... Well we can do that.
Here on a little duty travel, sir?
Hmmh?
Or just to enjoy yourself?
Do you know a stuffed turkey, madam? (?)
or would you prefer to make a canary a parting, madam? (?)
Bravo, bravo!
Alone at last!
Yessir...
Bill please!!
Part XIII "Success by Sensuality"
Am I not your type, darling?
But of course, sweetie... the whole body. Waiter, the bill!
Now wait, no - just let me..., kid.
Hah...
Is this your book, girlie, huh?
Oh isn't it cute... it is...
My goodness...!
Hmmh?
So one isn't what one pretends to be?
Well?
Hmmh?
Good...
Come, wipe your little nose...
That's better.
You just wanted to live to see something, no?
Yes...
- Like the Big Boys, right? - Yes...
- Yesyesyes... - Please don't... - Girlie... huh?
Yesyesyes... Yojojojo...
Well... now take off that crazy hat...
What...
How about that...
Now you look like a regular human being, child!
Without that war paint, huh?
Yes...
- Married? - Yes...
Hmh?
- Divorced? - Yes...!
Now, come here...
Now I know exactly what's up.
And let's untack these two...
these two blackberries...
Eek...
Fie!
...even two of'em.
You...
really look adorable...
kid.
And well shaped you are...
Man alive! That woman's all right!
Stop, now stay here!
Let me... Let me go!
Why did you just beat me, you...
you sweet little... huh?
Let me go!
Girlie...
give me ten more slaps and be good again!
- You'd like that, wouldn't you! - Be good to me...
and I give you, whatever you want!
- I don't want anything from you! - Now, we'll see... come!
What can I do for you, ladies and gentlemen?
'Evening.
Madame wants a pendant... don't you?
Maybe... a little bat, huh?
or... what else do you have...
or a dove, hmh?
How about a little peace dove, hmh?
Maybe madame wants to choose?
Ooh... madam immediately found the most beautiful.
Madam has exquisite taste.
- Isn't it, hmmh? - A frag(?)...
from royal possession.
The queen of Pontenero sold it to me.
- Who sold it? - Her Majesty the Queen of Pontenero.
Well that's just like that cheese-paring person.
Now come on girl - pick what you want, hm?.
But hurry... we still have a lot of things to do today.
I may pick what I want?
But of course!
This.
Plan.
- How much is it? - 130.000 francs.
130...fran... aahh... hmh.
Done deal!
But, please... I was only joking.
- But I wasn't, girl. - Pardon Monsieur...
this is only 100,000 francs.
Tcha, right...
You see, it's not enough. Let's go.
Wait...
Do you take the ring in payment?
- That's fine. - Nonono...
then you have to come out with another 10.000 francs, my fellow, for the casino.
Then just a moment please.
You want to gamble?
You're a clever girl - nothing gets past you.
- And if you lose? - I won't lose.
Good, but only to avoid cancelling the transaction.
Thank you...
Well?
I tell you for the last time: I don't accept it.
You don't accept it?
Pity.
Wonderful...
as if it was made for you.
So you're really capable of puttig everything at risk for a woman
you only met an hour ago?
Everything, everything, what do you mean by "everything"?
- I mean, the money (?). - Money? Ha!
For a woman like you I'm even capable
to break the bank of Monte Carlo!
Hello!
- Well, two at most... - Oh no, you see there's something cute, small...
I see!
Well then...
for now here's 1000 francs for the opening of the... ahem...
the animosities!
Cheers!
Peter!
Yes...
Eh... I have to...
Nah, go...
Hey Peter, now come on over, when I call you...
Now what's the matter with you, huh?
- Eh... - Yes?
Boy, I'm...
I'm crazy. I'm completely crazy, eh.
That's fine, eh... And she? Does she also have a crush on you?
I almost believe... yes.
And what does she want from him? What's she planning to do with him?
Humiliate him, chastise him! That rebel, that...
that state criminal... who alleges we smell of mutton fat!
Please, Consul... is this mutton fat?
No!
May I ask you for a dance?
With pleasure!
- Here you are at last! - Good evening! - 'Evening.
Hello!
Hm...
You look marvelous!
My best gown.
Now come, girl...
let's go winnin'...
No more bets.
12, Red, Even.
Gentlemen, place your bets!
1000 Red and 1000 Odd.
Well and now look me deeply in the eye, girl...
then I will win!
Why?
'Cause then I can feel how you wish me good luck!
M-hmm...
Do you know so certain
that I wish you good luck?
5, Red, Odd.
See? Didn't I tell you, girl?
I thank you very much!
You're a silly person, Captain Craddock.
4000 Red, 4000 Odd.
Look at me, girl...
26, Black, Even.
See... 'cause you looked away.
When you don't look at me I lose my money.
And when you look at me...
I lose my mind.
How many women did you already tell this?
10? 20? 30?
Ah... 30? Hello.... 30!
Full number and Split...
My last money...
30!
Fabulous! What luck!
22, Black, Even and High
Do you now have your loss back?
Yes... and even 2000 francs more...
Then better go and have yourself a whisky.
But yes, I go on here...
Ah well... ah please, Sir, will you give me the whole thing here in cash, yes?
Diane... Diane!
Diane! I won!
How much?
Well, I say! What kind of dirty trick is this!
Well - we've take care of this, eh!
Well girlie, isn't it neat to be lucky, no?
Yes... neat it is indeed!
Now - now let's go to the bar... that calls for a drink, come.
Ha - Golly Gosh!
...didn't I tell you not to gamble? Now you lost all your money!
- Yes but... Eugenie... - Eugenie, yes... leave me alone!
First of all here's the 100,000 francs...
we wanted to win back. - Thank you!
- And that... - That?
That... now watch me, girlie, you will be amazed...
Amazed! ...what I'll do with it. Cheers!
Hello Craddie!
- Well shorty? - Well... could you now... may be a bit...
Shut up! Here you are... Get yourself a chair and sit down!
- Have a drink? - Yes... - Forward march! - Yes... Good Evening!
'Evening... ah, I already know you, isn't it,
you're the lady with the little dots here...
"Little dots here"... Lower your sight!
That's the dots on the i! (the icing on the cake)
- Oh, oh yes...! - Will ya keep yer hands off... Fie!
...the mammon? - Oohhh!
See, Peter, now we have money, eh?
Plenty of money... beaucoup d'argent... Pinkepinke...
Or as we both say at home: dough. - Yaaahh...
Little Peter, the great moment we were both dreaming of all the time,
now it's here: Here we go, my son.
And no one can stop us.
Now tell me, Sir...
how do you think about... whatsit... Buenos Aires?
Buenos Aires, yes, that's not bad, not bad, eh, not bad,
there's that little - excuse me for a moment -
there's that little oyster salesgirl standing on the left side of the port...
You're going away, Captain Craddock?
Sure, kid!
Or, Peter, how about Tokyo, eh? - That's good, good!
And there we take the subway straight to Honolulu!
Oh, Captain, Honolulu is absolutely brilliant...
the women there are brown and crispy like pancakes!
- In Honolulu... - In Honolulu, la la la...
Quiet!
Attention, strategy plan. - Yes.
Tomorrow morning the Regina Victoria sets sail...
tomorrow morning both of us, in person, will go to Honolulu!
To Honolulu, where the dogs bark with their tails!
But can you... leave your office so easily?
Can?
I want!
I want to have my freedom now.
We're both sick of being bossed around any longer by some stupid wench!
- Yes... - Enough! - Yes, enough... listen, Miss...
- 'cause we have a queen! - Yes, queen... Good one. I kill myself laughing!
- I see! - Yes...
And she's so stupid?
Bloody stupid!
- Pretty? - Yes, and how. Like a flounder on Ash Wednesday.
- In a land so tiny small... - is said to live a queen...
I wouldn't mind bein' buried there but I'd never want to live there.
How tiny small her kingdom is, from within and from the outside,
should you fall down you'd be outright with one foot on the outside.
Two, three ... The qui-qua-queen of Pontenero
has an empty head and an empty portemonnairo.
For her - fights no torero and salutes no caballero,
in the land of Pontenero everyone is a scroungero!
Rumm pumm!
No king ever went to Pontenero
for the qui-qua-queen, what a misero.
Rumm pumm, rumm pumm...
That's indeed a neat song!
- Isn't it! It's neat. - Oh yes...
We sing it in the morning at the exercise, and in the evening in the wardroom,
it's our actual national anthem.
Yep, and I made the lyrics.
And the melody, he stole the melody too.
Mesdames et Messieurs,
ladies and gentlemen,
the last games!
Oui, Messieur, very well, so let's go home, kids, ha! - Yes!
We have it, or don't we! Should be enough for a few days, ha!
- The last games! - Yes, my son, I heard you!
The last games, Captain Craddock.
Don't you want to use your chance...
- Nono, no. No... - ...and double your travel money?
No, no, kids, we don't do that, no,
it's enough 'til Hoholulu, and there we'll marry rich.
Right!
Place your bets, gentlemen, place your bets!
Hmh?... Ah....
you've lost your courage. - What's that?
And if I beg you...
to win a tiny bit for me?
Hm...?
Your right, child.
So let's go once more...
Let's pluck a few more feathers from these fellas.
Ah, nah. No.
What you've got, you've got.
Gentlemen, make your bets!
- Let me play... - Give me the money, kid.
- You do know that I bring you good luck. - No no, please give the money, no.
- ...so give me... more! - Give back the money, no no, give me.
- No no, give back the money. - But you wanted to break the bank!
- Don't make no... - But... but...
- Give me all. - Huh? ...Hmh.
What was your lucky number?
30!
Monsieur l'Inspecteur! Gentlemen, make your bets!
No more bets.
Attention, please!
Table one...
two...
three...
and four!
Four times the maximum on 30!
Full Number, Split, Corner and Street.
30...
30.
30!
30.
Rien ne va plus!
And now you look me deep into the eyes!
5.
16.
11...
Zero... 0.
Now the Regina Victoria will have to sail without you tomorrow, Captain Craddock, hmh?
Huh?
No... how come?
- I still have my 100,000...! - No no, not these.
Now more than ever!
Sir had four cocktails, the lady 26.
You had 26? In last five minutes, huh?
No... in the last 14 days.
Pardon, chérie.
Merci, madame...
Come, dear!
Ain't true love beautiful...
Wellwell... gone...
All gone.
Rien ne va plus. - Yes.
You better shouldn't have risked the 100,000, right?
The 100,000... hmh...
these in fact weren't mine.
In fact...
I actually stole them!
You did?
Heh...
So we finally, with a lot of effort on that old dodderer, the Consul,
pinched that little bit of payment for the boys...
and now...
What will you do now?
What shall I do now?
Wait a minute, girl...
will be back in a bit.
Hepp!
Countenance, Sir, countenance!
Ladies and gentlemen.
I use the last minutes of your presence
to make a brief announcement to you.
In the interest of your personal security
I give you the good advice
to not enter the casino within the next 24 hours.
Please, Sir, don't cause any commotion.
- Follow me. - Let go!
- Don't touch me! - A moment please.
Make no commotion... please. No commotion.
- Now what do you want? - Allow me... Monsieur Duvall,
- So? - I'm the chief inspector of the casino.
Please don't cause any commotion, may I ask for an explanation (?).
Well you can have that, just don't touch me, young man. - Please follow me.
Please.
If you please...
Well. What can I do for you... ...Sir?
In the last hour here I have lost
equalling 500,000 francs.
400,000 I let go...
100,000 I have to have back.
Yes. And... why,
if I may ask, Sir?
Because I need them - understood?
Because I have to have them back, or don't you understand that?
The game continues.
Come over here, young man. - Pardon?
Can you see that little sardine can down there, with its 12 cannons?
Just a moment... yes.
That's the cruiser Persemon.
It happens to be under my command. - Ah...
And if I don't have back the 100,000 francs till 8 tomorrow morning...
Till 8?
I see, you seem to be a late riser, eh?
Well then let's say, if I don't have the money back till tomorrow morning at 9...
Then...?
Then I will permit myself to cover the casino with a few grenades.
But please, ladies and gentlemen, no commotion!
Don't let yourself be disturbed!
The game goes on orderly!
And you, gentlemen, please kindly take notice:
One telephone call will do,
and the fleet of Villefranche will send your sardine can to the bottom of the sea.
Now, we'll see that.
In any case, you have my word:
If the money's not there tomorrow morning at 9 prompt...
I will shoot!
'Evening!
Well, the guys in there right now make a mess in their pants...
'cause tomorrow I'm going to blow up their casino
up into the stratosphere. - What?
- Provided that I won't get my money back... - Is that a joke?
No, girlie. I gave them my word.
And when Craddock gives his word, then...
- So you're a criminal! - Yes, could be!
- A blackmailer! - Possible, heh!
- A robber! - Yes, go on! - A scoundrel! - Go on!
- A highwayman! - Go on! - A pirate, a... - Yes! Go on!
- Go on... - a villain... - Go on... - You... - Hmh...?
- You're a... - Huh? Go on... - A murderer, you...
- And you... are beautiful. - You're the meanest person in the whole world!
- Yea, go on, go on! - You... you are... - Hmm?
- You are ("Sie sind")... - Go on! - You are ("Du bist")...
- Well? - You are...
One night in Monte Carlo
I want to learn under the stars
how wonderful it is when you kiss the one
the one you'll never forget!
Look at that!
He actually seems to be serious! Give me my hat!
Majesty, are you still sleeping?
All Monte Carlo is upside down!
- Well I... - Why don't you go inside? - Me? No!
You go inside! After all you're eligible for a pension!
Nothing can happen to you!
- Countess! - What is it, for heaven's sake?
Now where could she be?
Hopefully nothing unpleasant happened to Her Majesty tonight!
Are you also trembling at body and soul, comrade?
For my part, I wrote a letter to my bride, in any case...
one never knows what will be.
Do you really think he will shoot?
Cold sweat gathers on my forehead.
Yes, once our Craddie has taken something into his head...
Civil boat at starboard!
Craddie... Craddie!
Craddie!
- What's the matter? - Man, hey, we're saved - the man from the casino is here!
Very well, so don't get so excited, boy... all's hunky-dory!
- Where is he? - Here, there... - Ah.
- Well, do you have the money? - But, Captain!
- I want to know if you have the money. - But, Captain!
What's "Captain", do you have the money, Yes or No?
No.
Everything else will come together.
You certainly have a life insurance.
Man your battle stations!
Target: Monte Carlo Casino.
Captain! I warn you!
The fleet of Villefranche is notified and at full steam on its way here.
Hah, eh... a naval battle!
Well, boy... little Peter!
A fully fledged naval battle, ain't that splendid?
Ow, ow, fabulous!
You searobbers! They will quash you to ragout, and I...
I will have my pleasure at this delightful spectacle!
Hehe.. yessir! If you don't burst beforehand!
Yes, there's a good chance!
Mate of the watch!
Captain!
This distinguished gentleman wishes to watch the naval battle from a separate loge.
Lead the gentleman off! Throw him into the junk room!
Aye, Captain!
I won't stand that! I won't stand that! Don't touch me! I won't stand that!
I won't stand that! Now let go!
Do let me go! Don't you touch me!
The fleet of Villefranche will pay you back for this!
You lousy ... What shall I now without...
Ow! Ow! Ow!
I won't stand that!
I won't...
Don't be a disgrace to me, boys!
At 9 o'clock sharp the first shot will be fired.
Hooray!
Craddie!
Craddie! Craddie...
now promise me you won't shoot! - It's okay, girl.
Just do me a favour and keep out of men's business.
- Craddie... - Well? - You will not shoot, will you?
And you?
You will catch a cold, girl... come!
Get something on...
Craddie...
I can't stand and watch, while you ruin yourself.
And I cannot find what I'm looking for... come.
Please take it, Craddie.
But girl, I don't need your pearls.
I gave my word, eh...
and when a real man gives his word... he keeps it.
Well.
Yes, Craddie, but... Craddie...
when a woman demands something one must not deny it to her.
- You see? - Yes... - Hmh?
Craddie... I'm so afraid for you.
But child...
For me no one has to be afraid.
Hmh?
- Craddie... - Hm?
...now you have to promise me not to shoot.
What if I don't shoot?
It's no use anymore anyway... then they will bust me for the 100,000 francs.
I see... yes.
Then I will put in a good word for you with the queen.
- You? - M-hmm! - ...with the queen? - Yes.
Good golly.
Tcha, I'm sure she will be heavily impressd, dolly... hah!
The qui-qua-queen of Pontenero
has an empty head and an empty portemonnairo.
For her - fights no torero and salutes no caballero...
That's why no king ever went to Pontenero
to the qui-qua-queen, what a misero.
What...
You... you know the...
you are the... qui...
I can't help it, Craddie!
But girl, don't make any... Excuse me, Majesty...
You... shure are an awesome dame!
Apologies, Majesty.
Oh, but please please please, don't be embarrassed, Craddie.
You...
Majesty - with you I will steal horses!
- Watch on deck! - Watch on deck.
The watch on deck!
Stand to attention!
Eyes right!
Eyes front!
- Watch at attention! - Thank you!
Attention, boys!
Her Majesty the Queen!
But that's the lady with the...
...black dots!
There you are, Majesty!
- Where have you been all night? - We've been searching for you everywhere!
Sailors!
Her Majesty came on board, to witness the great day of our ship
in person in our midst.
Starboard ahead
large vessel in sight!
- Look, Lieutenant... - What... is it?
A huge apparatus!
- Yes... that's a Dreadnought! - The fleet from Villefranche!
- I rather clear off. - Ha... a hero!
All hands man your battle stations! New target:
The boat at starboard!
Stop!
Captain, I forbid you to fire.
But girl, be reasonable.
I forbid you to fire!
Majesty -
on my ship there's only one who forbids!
That's me!
Man your stations! Forward march!
Stop!
Captain Craddock,
You're under arrest!
Men -
you heard my orders -
you obey only your commander.
He no longer is your commander.
He defrauded the ship's cash box.
Lieutenant Schmidt,
take the weapon away from him.
Lieutenant Schmidt, did you understand me?
Take his weapon away from him!
It's okay... little Peter.
Tcha...
Well... dismissed, men... go!
Lieutenant Schmidt...
pick up the weapon.
Open up! Let me out!
Open up!
Well, with your stupid bucket you won't get that war fleet off our back either!
What war fleet... what the hell are you jabbering, you idiot!
I only invented that whole humbug with that war fleet,
for that damned shoothead up there!
Humbug? Well, and that Dreadnought?
Pawlitscheck - do you know, who that Dreadnought is? Take a look.
The passenger steamer Regina Victoria.
The one Craddie wanted to take to Honolulu today.
You've been a bit upset, Craddie...
I couldn't help it, Craddie.
You couldn't be brought to your senses,
you...
you silly boy.
Craddie,
give me ten slaps in the face,
but don't be mad at me anymore.
Why don't you say anything, Craddie?
Say something!
You're no thief, Craddie!
You only bought back my own string of pearls with my own money!
Look, Craddie! Here is the ship's cash box!
Yesyesyesyesyes.
Too bad...
Pontenero has no man as a king.
Why that?
Then I now could plant him one, Majesty!
What...?
What the heck!
Who's shooting here without my orders?
What the hell is going on here?
The farewell salute, Craddie! We're going home.
Going home... ah...
Home...
Hmh... where am I actually "at home"?
In Pontenero, Craddie!
There we will see each other every day...
you will have a comfortable life
as my vice admiral.
Or, if you rather want, as minister of justice!
Then you can get hanged anyone you dislike.
You'll see, darling, how good you will feel at rest.
Majesty! Our luggage!
I just change clothes, darling.
I'll be back in a minute.
- Farewell, Peter! - What...?
Craddie, what, what's the... what?
Don't talk much, boy...
Here...
Give her this from me... - Yes...
- Peter... - Yes...?
What is it...? What is the matter? Please don't hurt me!
- I have the 100,000 francs with! - But you told me...
Here you have it - just don't hurt me!
Well then!
Boys, here, for you: Your payment!
Hooray!
To the Regina Victoria! Full steam ahead!
Craddie!
Lieutenant Schmidt!
Where's the captain?
And he?
And where...
where does he want to go?
To Honolulu.
That's a mean person, Majesty, ain't he?
Yes...
- He's also a bad friend, ain't he? - Yes.
And a faithless buddy, Majesty - ain't he?
Yes...
- But even so... - Yes...
But even so... the finest chap in the world!
Once you told me you love me so much.
But who knows, whether you still know it...
When the wind blows I dream...
Girl I dream you were faithful!
- Chief Engineer Pawlitscheck? - Majesty?
- Do we have enough coals for Honolulu? - Impossible, Majesty.
But then we could follow Craddock!
- Follow Craddock? - Yes!
And if I had to burn my last shirt!
Hooray!
Ahoy! The world is wonderful and will always spin around,
so let's go on a caper, aye-aye, Captain.
Aye-aye, Captain!
Our strength will be of use! Blood ain't no raspberry juice!
It will all work out all right, aye-aye, Captain!
Aye-aye, Captain!
And if you have a bride, just write her: Girl, Goodbye!
I'm off then, over to Lake Titicaca.
This is the love of the sailors!
In the long run my dear love my heart can be no anchoring place.
You find on all coasts flowering roses
and for every one of them a thousand others for replacement.
It's so sweet to sleep in the harbour,
but soon we have to say goodbye!
This is the love of the sailors,
from the lowest and the meanest man up to the captain.
It's so sweet to sleep in the harbour,
but soon we have to say goodbye!
This is the love of the sailors,
from the lowest and the meanest man up to the captain.
The End
Translation and subtitles: Kurosuke @ Karagarga